Blonde Li'l Tike (dot) com

Blog: Boggled

So, hi everyone I hope everything is going ok! Recently things have been getting to me easily. Now part of that has a lot to do with girl things and parts of it have always been me. See I realize now more then ever that I have some big problems in my life. Some spirituality, some balancing life, and some family issues. All this is right now weighing me down. The only time it really hits me is when I am expecting things like the time of the month. I know I am actually talking of girl issues. Crazy isn’t? Well, see I think more and more I feel like lost in certain parts in my life. Sometimes it just doesn’t make sense and will it I don’t know. It’s in God’s hands. Sometime in my life I learned to bottle things in. I don’t know if I started when my cuz was with us or when I lost my foster sister. These are probably the top two cases where I had to be strong because my Mom was weak and needed support from my Dad. I don’t blame them! Not at all! I blame myself for not learning to open up and talk about my issue, I didn’t want to burden anyone. Recently I have been trying to talk. It’s not easy because I usually can handle it, but things they build up just like anything else wither it’s love, anger. Either or both, they can just built if you let it….know that is the key. If you let it. How do you not let it?.... Now, I am big on the past in way because it effects you and it does to each and everyone of us. WE NEED TO LEARN THAT! And yeah sometimes you will say stupid thing or do stupid things, and some people don’t find that their past is a good enough excuse. No, it’s not a good excuse, but it does effects us. WE ALL EFFECT EACH OTHER! I don’t know, but maybe I think I don’t want to effect others if I talk about whatever is bothering me. Funny how the world works isn’t it. How much one thing or many things can effects whether positive or negative. See I well give you a little more of a preview of what is going on in my life. One thing I mentioned was spiritually. Well, right now I feel like my bond with God is strained. One reason for that is b/c of the church issue and the other is that I haven’t felt his presence(I also haven’t studied in a while). I feel like l am trapped between two doors. One person opening the house door the other opening the screen door. Now I know this situation isn’t easy for anyone, not my family, b/f, friends. It sure isn’t easy for me. I feel like tossing in the towel and saying God just take me away. Just for a little while. Now, I say that because I can’t be in this presence of shadows. I need the light to keep seeing. God is everything to me. What isn’t he…now theirs the question.ehehehe I need to spend more time with him and it isn’t working so well. Now, I know one day it will be easier and I pray for that day because I feel like it’s causing strain in our relationships like I said. Pulled in two directions and both a little bit lost in. My other thing is balancing everything school, hmwk, and swimming. Luckily, swimming will be over soon and I can just maybe take a breather from all this. Clear my head! I am definitely looking for that day to come. Take Care everyone! Have a good night!



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